


Jailstuck!

by NobodyIP (WilliamLeonard)



Series: Dave's Meteor Adventures! [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Can Town, Comedy, Gen, Meteorstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2204871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilliamLeonard/pseuds/NobodyIP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a sudden power outage, Dave is sent to the Can Town prison by the Mayor for accidentally toppling over a building in the town square. Terezi decides to try and bail him out. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
<p>A big, fun, hilarious Meteor Crew adventure. Comments and reviews appreciated!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How It All Happened (Part One)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Roadtrip series, I decided to write a Meteorstuck adventure of my own a few months back. This is the result.
> 
> At the time of writing this, I haven't finished the story yet, but it's coming along (albeit slowly), and I hope to have it finished in the future.
> 
> For now, sit back in your fancy revolving computer chair and enjoy this fun little adventure of the Meteor crew!

Dave is practicing his raps in front of a microphone. This particular one he has been practicing for a while now. It takes lots of time to make a rap perfect, as any good rapper will tell you. But with this one, Dave believes he has hit the spot. He has crashed through the brick wall of mediocrity, he has done a noseslide on the banisters of artistic irony, he has made a full 360 flip on the halfpipe of true literary greatness.

He also put a lot of skateboarding metaphors into the rap, which is always a good thing to have.

Anyway, he's dropping all these sick beats into his microphone like they're hot (which they are) when Rose enters the room.

> ROSE: Dave.  
>  DAVE: what  
>  ROSE: I'm turning on my machine now.  
>  DAVE: oh yeah  
>  DAVE: that  
> 

For the past week, Rose has been building a gigantic machine out of bits and pieces around the meteor. For some reason, she hasn't told anybody what her machine is for, or what it even looks like. Today, however, the people on the meteor are about to find out. If it even turns on, of course.

> DAVE: how do you know itll even turn on  
>  ROSE: I have done some measurements.  
>  ROSE: Based on my data on all the collected power used by the computers all over this meteor, I have concluded that the machine, when turned on for the first time, will only work properly if all electronic devices, save for the lights, are turned off.  
>  ROSE: Which means you'll have to turn off your microphone, Dave.  
>  DAVE: what  
>  DAVE: no i refuse  
>  DAVE: this microphone is the stuff of miracles  
>  DAVE: someday an archaeologist will come along to this meteor  
>  DAVE: when this is all over of course  
>  DAVE: he will take one look at this treasure of pure awesomeness  
>  DAVE: and his head will just  
>  DAVE: explode  
>  DAVE: and the last that will remain of his bigass melon is his huge bushy mustache  
>  DAVE: floating slowly towards the ground like in a cartoon or something  
>  DAVE: that is how undeniably awesome this microphone is  
>  ROSE: Do you mind if I go ahead and interrupt your raving for a second?  
>  DAVE: i do mind  
>  DAVE: but go ahead  
>  ROSE: I will only need to turn everything off once.  
>  ROSE: This is just a test to see if my design actually works.  
>  ROSE: When it is done, I will build a smaller version of my design that does not use a whole lot of power.  
>  DAVE: can you at least tell me what the hell your machine actually does  
>  ROSE: It's a surprise. ;)  
>  DAVE: ugggh  
>  ROSE: Relax. You'll find out what it does soon enough.  
> 

Rose reaches over and turns the microphone off.

> DAVE: nooooooooooooooooooo  
>  ROSE: Dave, why are you shouting 'no' in a dramatic fashion while kneeling on the floor and staring at the ceiling?  
>  DAVE: how could youuuuu  
>  DAVE: rose whyyyyy  
>  ROSE: Dave, get up off the floor and stop flipping off the ceiling lights.  
>  DAVE: shut up rose cant you see im grieving the loss of my prized possession here

Rose rolls her eyes and heads for the door.

> ROSE: Goodbye Dave.

She leaves the room.

After Dave sees she is gone, he gets up off the floor and leaves the room too. He guesses he'll go see how the Mayor is faring. Running a make-believe town filled with cans can be a stressful job, you know.

He takes a right turn, walks up the stairs and goes through the door on the left - the one with a big wooden sign next to it made by Terezi a while back. The sign has 'C4N TOWN' written on it in red chalk, and below it a rather poorly-drawn picture of the Mayor holding a can.

After going through the door and having a secure ID check performed on him by the Mayor (he just studies the sign on Dave's god tier shirt to make sure it's legit and then gives a thumbs up) Dave enters Can Town.

He looks around. Can Town sure is going from strength to strength. The sprawling cityscape covers nearly the entire floor, with purple roads (always surrounded on either side by blue trees) snaking this way and that, sometimes branching off into housing estates, restaurants and other points of interest, including, in the center of the room, a gargantuan highrise tower covering three feet in length and width and standing ten feet tall. The sign next to it reads 'C1TY C3NTR3 GR4ND TOW3R'. The Mayor spent nearly two whole days constructing this beauty last week. It seems to be his pride and joy.

On the walls a sky of blue chalk covers the room, with occasional clouds and drawings by Dave and Terezi looking down on the city like shitty gods. On the wall opposite Dave, a yellow sun shines overhead. In the left-hand corner a noticeboard is tacked to the wall, stating the newest changes and additions to Can Town (currently on version 3.14.2c), while in the right-hand corner another notice board reads, 'D4YS S1NC3 L4ST 4CC1D3NT = 12'.

That last accident, by the way, was when the Mayor accidentally tripped over a can of mustard and crashed into the town hall. Messy stuff. Since then he has rebuilt the town hall and he has banned all cans of mustard from the city. One thing that Dave has learned from his work experience in Can Town is that the Mayor can really hold a grudge.

Dave sees Terezi to his left, drawing an extension to the new Cansington Industrial Estate. He walks up to her.

> DAVE: yo terezi  
>  DAVE: what are the haps  
>  TEREZI: NOTH1NG MUCH  
>  TEREZI: 1 H4D 4 LOOK THROUGH TH3 BULL3T1N BO4RD AND NOT1CED TH4T TH3 MAYOR W4NTED TH1S 3XT3NS1ON DON3 BY TOMORROW  
>  TEREZI: SO 1 D3C1D3D 1D H3LP H1M OUT  
>  DAVE: oh yeah  
>  DAVE: shit man i forgot about that  
>  TEREZI: 1TS 4LR1GHT D4V3  
>  TEREZI: YOU DONT N33D TO WORRY YOUR COOLK1D H34D OFF >:]  
>  DAVE: ill see if the mayor wants anything else done  
>  DAVE: wait  
>  DAVE: wheres the mayor?  
>  DAVE: he was here just a minute ago  
>  TEREZI: 1V3 NOT1C3D H3S B33N DO1NG TH4T R3C3NTLY  
>  TEREZI: JUST W4ND3R1NG OFF  
>  DAVE: huh  
>  DAVE: maybe hes like  
>  DAVE: a secret agent in disguise  
>  DAVE: like james bond or some shit  
>  DAVE: hiding in the shadows waiting to call the special ops on our asses  
>  DAVE: but why is he here?  
>  DAVE: maybe its something gamzee did  
>  DAVE: back when he was murdering absolutely everybody on this meteor  
>  DAVE: did he like  
>  DAVE: step on a can or something  
>  DAVE: is that why  
>  DAVE: i swear if double-oh-mayor is here because some crazy troll guy sat his juggalo ass down on a can of troll tab months ago i will seriously flip the fuck out  
>  DAVE: maybe can town itself is all an elaborate ruse  
>  DAVE: a distaction if you will  
>  DAVE: fabricated by the mayor to keep us all occupied and in the dark about whats really going down  
>  DAVE: maybe hes gonna pull a contact on us and the whole map of can town is gonna be like an encrypted schematic for a huge can-shaped machine thingymabob  
>  DAVE: waiting to zap us to planet can-topia or something  
>  DAVE: maybe that's what rose has built  
>  DAVE: shes just gonna zap herself to the can-dromeda galaxy like jodie fucking foster  
>  DAVE: and karkat can be that weird macconahey dude  
>  DAVE: what even was maconnohay's deal in that movie anyway besides looking like a complete derp and having an embarrassing spirituality fetish  
>  DAVE: i am just imagining karkat in that role and i am laughing my ass off  
>  DAVE: in a cool way though  
>  DAVE: like instead of being reduced to convulsions of mirth the truth is i dont actually give a shit  
>  TEREZI: D4V3?  
>  DAVE: huh  
>  DAVE: what  
>  TEREZI: WH4T W3R3 YOU MUMBL1ING 4BOUT OV3R TH3R3 FOR TH3 P4ST F3W M1NUT3S  
>  DAVE: nothing  
>  DAVE: nothing at all  
>  DAVE: (mental note terezi is working undercover with agent mayor steer clear of her)

After exercising his self-ranting quota for the hour, Dave gets up and walks around the room, looking for something to do. After finding nothing, he just decides to draw another Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic up in the skies of Can Town.

Then Dave's shitty JPEG-artiphone beeps. A Pesterchum message.

A second later, Dave hears another beep, this time far away, and turns his head around to see Terezi looking at her scratch-and-sniff wristphone. She's gotten a message too.

Dave looks at his phone. The Pesterchum message in question is a notification. He's been invited to a memo. So has everybody, apparently.

Dave sits down. He opens up Pesterchum.

> \-- tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo on board _Rose's various messages to the meteor crew (Year 1)_ at ??:?? --
> 
> \-- turntechGodhead [TG] has joined the memo! --
> 
> \-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] has joined the memo! --
> 
> TG: what is it rose  
>  TG: whats the matter  
> 
> 
> \- grimAuxilliatrix [GA] has joined the memo! --
> 
> TG: is this the memo where you apologise sincerely to me in front of everybody for turning my cool microphone off  
>  TG: because that was a pretty dick thing to do
> 
> \-- FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 28 HOURS FROM NOW has joined the memo! --
> 
> FTG: hate to break it to you dude  
>  FTG: i really do  
>  FTG: but thats not whats going down  
>  FTG: sorry for ruining your lifelong hopes and dreams  
>  FTG: but dont flip your shit too soon  
>  FTG: you may be surprised what can happen in a matter of hours  
>  FTG: catch you on the flipside bro
> 
> \-- FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] has left the memo! --
> 
> TG: god fucking dammit future me  
>  TG: why you gotta be such a dick  
>  TG: i was getting my apology acceptance speech ready  
>  TG: i even took the time to arrange it in the form of a shitty rap  
>  TG: here ill prove it  
>  TG: yo rose i know youre all sorry and whatnot  
>  TG: for turning my awesome microphone off  
>  TG: but a fine well-crafted and legal apology  
>  TG: aint gonna shake nothin off my-- wait what  
>  TG: okay yeah that was way too shitty my apologies  
>  GC: D4V3 1 TH1NK W3 G3T 1T  
>  TG: yeah  
>  TT: Can I have everyone's attention please?  
>  TT: This is an announcement to all residents of the meteor.  
>  TT: The machine will be turned on in three minutes.  
>  TT: All of you should please stand by until such time as that happens.  
>  TT: Hopefully nothing bad will happen. If however something does happen, such as a power outage or a huge nuclear explosion, please follow standard evacuation procedures.  
>  TG: ...  
>  TG: and those are  
>  TG: …  
>  TT: Basically, just go up on the roof.  
>  TT: Is all this clear?  
>  GC: Y3P  
>  GA: Yes Certainly Rose  
>  TG: fuckin crystal  
>  TT: Good.
> 
> \-- FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 26 HOURS FROM NOW has joined the memo! --
> 
> FCG: THERE YOU FUCKING ARE, YOU GRUBSHITTING ORANGE-CLAD TURDSMIRK.  
>  FCG: I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY IN ADVANCE TO ALL THIS.  
>  FCG: FUCK YOU.  
>  FCG: FUCK.  
>  FCG: YOU.  
>  FCG: WHAT, DID YOU THINK NOBODY WOULD CATCH ON TO YOUR SCHEMING BULLSHIT?  
>  FCG: THINK THE FUCK AGAIN, LALONDE.  
>  TT: I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Karkat.  
>  TT: You must obviously be stressed. Should we talk about it?  
>  FCG: FUCK NO. AND DON'T TRY TO GO AROUND PRETENDING YOU DON'T KNOW.  
>  FCG: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES.  
>  FCG: AND OH BOY ARE YOU GONNA PAY.  
>  TT: I think, by now, you have exceeded the memo board's tolerance rule regarding the amount of caps-lock allowed per sentence.  
>  TT: I think it is time you go, Karkat.  
>  FCG: I'M NOT FUCKING DONE, LALONDE.  
>  FCG: DON'T YOU DARE BAN ME YOU HUGE WITCH.  
>  TT: Goodbye.
> 
> \-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has banned FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] from the memo! --
> 
> TG: ...  
>  TG: rose what the hell was that all about  
>  TT: I have no idea.  
>  TT: He must be a bit muddled after the activation of the machine.  
>  TT: That's one of the side-effects by the way. Confusion.  
>  TG: ....  
>  TG: fine  
>  TG: ill let all this slide  
>  TG: but only because youre my ectosis and you dont normally pull stunts like that to the best of my knowledge  
>  TG: so ill ignore future karkats full-on rage  
>  TG: but for a limited time only  
>  TG: hurry claim your piece of ignorance from dave strider before its gone  
>  TG: you get a discount if it has to do with weird time shit or puppets  
>  TG: because the economy demands it  
>  TG: obama be all about the puppets yo  
>  TG: its the only cure for our national debt in this day and age  
>  TG: damn i should have done this back when i was in control of the lohacse  
>  TG: that would have been so cool  
>  TG: ironically speaking of course  
>  TT: …  
>  TT: I think your extremely unusual and atopical rant distracted me from turning on the machine at the right moment.  
>  TT: Which should have been twenty seconds ago.  
>  TG: pffhahaha  
>  TT: I suppose I'll have to make do with turning it on right now.  
>  TT: Stand by.
> 
> \-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has closed the memo. --

...Well then. Dave has no idea what Karkat was ranting about, but he supposes Karkat has to completely flip the lid off his thinkpan some time.

Dave stands up - he must be careful not to sit on the Can Town floor too long, lest his sweet 'jammies be ruined by chalk stains (god tier clothes _are_ self-cleaning and all, but still, chalk stains are not cool) - and looks around. Whatever weird thing Rose is planning, Dave must be ready for it. He _knows_ Rose is going to do more than just turn on a machine or whatever - it was obvious as fuck from her lame excuses relating to Karkat. Maybe he should just ask Karkat in the future, find out what Rose _really_ has planned for the rest of the Meteor Crew. Then again, Rose is turning on her machine in a matter of seconds. Might be a bit late for that. Whatever, he'll just deal with what'll happen as it comes.

One good thing about being contacted by your future self is that if they're calm and collected, you can be pretty sure they're sincerely okay. Which means maybe nothing will happen. Nothing _that_ bad, anyway.

Unless you have Dave for a future self. Then you can be certain he's going to be fakily calm and collected either for irony or just to be a dick. Dave should know. He's had experience with future selves because they're basically fucking him.

And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

Suddenly, with a burst of crackle and feedback from the intercom on the ceiling, Dave Inner Monologue No. 413612 is interrupted (as they always are) by Rose's faint, slightly snarky and extremely aloofy voice. Dave looks up at the intercom. Terezi looks up too. In the wrong direction of course. Dave's not going to bother correcting her because it's much funnier this way.

"Attention, all residents of the meteor," Voice of Rose resounds from the intercom. "The machine will be turned on in three. Two. One."

And with that monotone statement which sounds suspiciously like she ripped that straight from a video game, a sound of a lever pulling can be heard from the intercom, followed by steam rising, a high pitched 'sssss' whistle, gears turning in clockwork time as the din of a machine rises, slowly but surely, as the room begins to shake, then the lights flicker, getting brighter and brighter before--

POP.

Black.


	2. How It All Happened (Part Two)

_Picking up from where we left off..._

POP.

Black.

No seriously. Total black. Yes, you heard it here first, folks - Dave Strider cannot see a fucking thing. 

Turning his head back and forth in an effort to re-adjust his eyes to the darkness (an effort that proves futile), Dave hears the reactions of everybody in the meteor to what has undoubtedly been a lab-wide power outage. He hears Terezi first - a concerned gasp, as her senses suddenly black out, and then a stuttered "W-WH4T??" as she tries (and fails) to make sense of all this.

Then he hears Rose. Two floors up, really far away and really faint, but Dave can just make it out with his sweet godtier ears.

> ROSE: Hm.  
>  ROSE: Well that wasn't supposed to happen.

Yeah, laugh it up Rose. That was a pretty dick thing to do. Even worse than turning Dave's microphone off, and that itself was a horribly despicable action.

Then Kanaya chips in, one floor down, with not even a single bit of surprise. Just a short and sweet "Oh Well I Didnt Expect That". Which Dave finds a bit surprising (after all, it's  pretty fucking pitch black across the whole meteor) until he remembers that Kanaya has weird troll rainbow vampire powers now and for some strange reason that means she can glow in the dark.

God damned trolls.

As a welcome reprieve from feeling slight (but cool) annoyance at Rose, Dave hears Karkat next, in the room to Dave's left. First a sudden, almost reflexive burst of swears - "FUCK! FUCKING-- WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK JUST HAPPENED. HOLY SHIT." - then as the situation begins to sink in, a slightly (key word here) calmer burst of swears - "...SERIOUSLY. SERIOUSLY, ROSE?? FUCK. HOW THE FUCK... HOW THE GRUBSHITTING _FUCK_ DID YOU CAUSE A GODDAMNED _POWER OUTAGE???_ " - and finally his scheduled third burst of swears arrives in a slight whisper.

> KARKAT: SHIT.  
>  KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE. WHERE AM I. WHAT IS THIS.  
>  KARKAT: I CAN'T SEE SHIT.  
>  KARKAT: FUCK.  
>  KARKAT: _HELLO?? ANYBODY..._  
>  KARKAT: _ANYBODY THERE?_  
>  KARKAT: OH GOD I'M STARTING TO HYPERVENTILATE. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING.  
>  TEREZI: K4RK4T W3R3 H3R3!  
>  TEREZI: 1TS 4LR1GHT, 1T W4S JUST 4 POW3R OUT4G3  
>  KARKAT: YEAH.  
>  KARKAT: YEAH I KNOW.  
>  KARKAT: IT'S JUST...  
>  KARKAT: _HAAAAGGGHHH._  
>  KARKAT: I JUST STARTED GETTING FLASHBACKS  
>  KARKAT: LIKE, REALLY POWERFUL ONES, LIKE I WAS THERE  
>  KARKAT: OF WHEN GAMZEE WAS STALKING ME.  
>  KARKAT: AND OH GOD WHAT IF HE STILL IS.  
>  KARKAT: WHAT IF HE'S HERE IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW.  
>  KARKAT: I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS I CANNOT FUCKING, I JUST CAN'T FUCKING HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW.  
>  KARKAT: FIRST THINGS FIRST, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS.  
>  KARKAT: ..IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY THERE…

Dave speaks up. While doing so, he considers the thought of taking off his shades for extra visibility, but that just wouldn't be cool. Besides, the power could come back at any minute – just a simple power outage doesn't last forever – and everybody could get a good look at Dave with his shades off. Karkat would never let him hear the end of it, even in his current mental state.

>   
>  DAVE: yeah were here  
>  DAVE: me and terezi i mean  
>  DAVE: and we are pretty much one hundred percent clown-free  
>  KARKAT: DAVE!!  
>  KARKAT: FUCK, THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY TO HEAR YOUR INFURIATINGLY STOIC VOICE.  
>  KARKAT: DON'T EXPECT THIS KIND OF APPRECIATION IN FUTURE.  
>  KARKAT: JUST TELL ME HOW I CAN GET TO YOU GUYS.  
>  DAVE: well either you come to us  
>  DAVE: or we come to you  
>  DAVE: or we can just wait until the power comes back  
>  DAVE: pick your choice  
>  KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I'LL TRY COMING TO YOU.  
>  KARKAT: WAIT THERE FOR ME  
>  KARKAT: ...  
>  KARKAT: ...  
>  KARKAT: _FUCK_  
>  DAVE: what  
>  KARKAT: NOTHING, I JUST WALKED INTO A FUCKING WALL.  
>  KARKAT: AT LEAST I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS A WALL.  
>  KARKAT: ...GOD DAMMIT I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.  
>  KARKAT: CAN YOU GUYS COME HERE IF YOU CAN?  
>  KARKAT: LIKE, TEREZI, CAN YOU SENSE WHERE WALLS ARE AND STUFF?  
>  TEREZI: Y34H  
>  TEREZI: 1 M34N, 1 SUPPOS3 1 C4N  
>  KARKAT: WELL NOW'S THE TIME TO FIND OUT.  
>  KARKAT: I'M IN THE ROOM NEXT TO YOURS.  
>  DAVE: we know  
>  KARKAT: WELL IN THAT CASE  
>  KARKAT: CAN YOU JUST PLEASE MAKE IT QUICK??  
>  KARKAT: I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE MORE THAN ONE MINUTE SITTING AGAINST A WALL IN A PITCH-BLACK ROOM REMEMBERING WHAT WAS PROBABLY THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING EXISTENCE.  
>  DAVE: yeah sure  
>  DAVE: well come  
>  DAVE: come on terezi  
>  DAVE: _vamonos_  
>  TEREZI: 1 DONT SP34K TROLL SP4N1SH  
>  TEREZI: BUT 4LR1GHT  
>  DAVE: _gracias_  
>  DAVE: now let us bounce  
>  KARKAT: THANKS YOU GUYS.

Dave begins to follow Terezi's voice as if a beacon, hoping that he'll eventually be led to her direction.

And of course, he hears Terezi's sudden panicked cries of "D4VE YOUR3 GO1NG TH3 WRONG W4Y! YOUR3 GO1NG TO H1T--" before it's too late.

Dave walks into something.

He doesn't know what exactly he's just crashed into until he hears a clattering torrent of cans crashing into the ground one by one, and then he realises that he's just after crashing into one of the buildings in Can Town. A big tragedy, but nothing major when you think about it. It can always be repaired.

But when Dave thinks about what just happened for a while, he begins to fear the worst.

What building did he crash into, anyway, for him to literally _walk into it face first_??

Terezi appears to be just as worried as him (way more worried actually, because Dave's secretly not worried at all, being the awesome coolkid he is) as he hears her voice, sounding as if she and Dave were in the position of kids caught doing something they shouldn't have.

Which, you know what, could very well be the case.

>   
>  TEREZI: …  
>  TEREZI: WH4T D1D YOU JUST DO…  
>  DAVE: i  
>  DAVE: i have no idea what i just did  
>  DAVE: well whatever happens dont tell the mayor  
>  DAVE: whatever you do dont let him know  
>  DAVE: i think i know what building i just destroyed and i know hes not going to be happy about this  
>  DAVE: oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck im fucked

And just like that, with a distant, disembodied-

*CLICK* 

-the lights turn on.

Amidst Karkat's not too distant cries of "OH GOD. OH THANK FUCKING GOD I'M OKAY. PHEW. NOTHING HERE AFTER ALL. 'LET THERE BE LIGHT', HA HA. TAKE THAT, GAMZEE, YOU FUCKING CLOWN!" Dave looks down.

He looks at the hundreds of cans, scattered all over the floor, and the area they're in, which is the town square and oh _fuck he's just knocked down the City Center Grand Tower._

Dave has singlehandedly destroyed the Mayor's magnum opus and he's never going to be forgiven for this. He just isn't. If there's anything that Dave has learned from his work experience in Can Town, it's that the Mayor can really hold a grudge. And today is no exception. 

And won't you _listen to that_ , he hears the despicably adorable yet also menacing little 'pitter-patter' of footsteps approaching Can Town. Dave knows who these footsteps belong to. It's the big man himself, probably coming to inspect his town after the Great Blackout. Or maybe he's come to see just what building Dave  knocked over.

Dave loses his cool and begins scrabbling at the remains of the building, trying to reconstruct it, build it again so that the Mayor doesn't know (and of course he knows this is stupid, there's no escape, the Mayor will come and then Dave will be screwed to high heavens, but he'll try anything to get out of it at this point), until just as he finishes the first floor of cans, there we go, easy as pie, one hundred more to go, the Mayor appears at the doorway and Dave, in shock, flails his hands around, destroying the first floor again.

The Mayor takes one look at what Dave has done.

And promptly takes a step back.

Dave knows the Mayor can't speak - that's what Dave has found most cute about the Mayor, his permanent silence as he works in the city - but he also knows that if he could, he would have some pretty choice words to say to Dave at this point.

Nobody says anything for a while. Dave stares at the Mayor, and the Mayor stares at him, ready to burst at any minute.

Suddenly Terezi, in the background all this time, speaks up, pointing a finger at Dave.

> TEREZI: 1T W4S H1M!


	3. The Aftermath (or Terezi's Plan, Pt. 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for not posting this sooner. I just kind of forgot about this fic. :P

And that's how Dave ended up in jail.

He wishes he had gone to jail in a cool way – like, for rapping about Starbucks or something and getting jailed for being inappropriate in public. But no, he had to go to prison for the most uncool thing possible – knocking over his best bro’s pride and joy.

Now he’s locked up in a lowly prison cell, which is pretty much just a tiny box the Mayor quickly constructed in the corner of the room. The same corner in which the ‘D4YS W1THOUT 4N 4CC1D3NT’ bulletin board lies, which Terezi quickly changed from ‘12’ to ‘0’ after the incident.

The prison cell, by the way, is made out of cans.

God dammit Mayor. 

Technically, there’s a sheet of corrugated iron suspended over the prison bars, acting as a makeshift ‘roof’, so it’s not _entirely_ made out of cans. But it still doesn’t hide the Mayor’s despicably ironic punishment for Dave. He’d be visibly impressed were it not for the fact that the Mayor probably hates him right now.

Terezi, however, has remained the Mayor’s loyal helper. She is currently helping him construct another ‘C1TY C3NT3R GR4ND TOW3R’ in what is now probably Can Town’s version of Ground Zero, this new version being 20% complete so far. While building the tower, Terezi has glanced many a woeful glance at Dave, cooped up in his tiny prison cell without a friend in the world. But instead of walking up to him, even saying a timid ‘H1’, she just looks away again and resumes construction, placing can by can gently on top of one another while the Mayor draws trees, car parks, and what Dave thinks is a memorial center next to the building.

Anyway, this sort of thing continues for a while until two hours after imprisonment, when Terezi, presumably on break, walks up to Dave with two small paper cups of coffee, one in each hand.

She silently hands one to Dave (which he gratefully accepts – while coffee will never become as high in the ranks as apple juice in Dave’s list of Hellaciously Delirious Drinks, he’ll still enjoy a cup of joe any day), and sits against the wall, beside Dave’s cell, sipping her coffee gently. 

> TEREZI: …  
>  TEREZI: SO YEAH  
>  DAVE: mmhmm  
>  TEREZI: *S1P*  
>  TEREZI: SORRY 4BOUT R4TT1NG YOU OUT  
>  DAVE: eh  
>  DAVE: it was my fault anyway  
>  DAVE: you cant change the past  
>  DAVE: trust me i am a bro of time here  
>  TEREZI: DONT YOU M34N 4 KN1GHT OF T1M3?  
>  DAVE: nah  
>  DAVE: bro of time suits me better  
>  DAVE: never really thought of myself as a knight even with all my swords  
>  DAVE: doesnt help that they were all so shitty  
>  DAVE: whatever thats not really important  
>  DAVE: so whats been going on with you  
>  TEREZI: WH4T, 1N TH3 TWO HOURS S1NC3 W3 L4ST T4LK3D?  
>  DAVE: well it has been a rather eventful two hours  
>  TEREZI: 1 GU3SS  
>  TEREZI: W3LL... *S1P*  
>  TEREZI: TH3 M4YOR H4SNT S41D MUCH  
>  DAVE: he never says anything  
>  TEREZI: W3LL Y34H 1 KNOW  
>  TEREZI: BUT H3S NOT 3V3N G3STURING TO US 3XC1T3DLY OR 4NYTH1NG  
>  TEREZI: JUST S1L3NTLY WORK1NG ON H1S BU1LD1NG  
>  DAVE: he must be pretty pissed at me  
>  TEREZI: OH, H3 1S  
>  TEREZI: B3L13V3 M3  
>  DAVE: can you give me any info besides stuff i already know  
>  TEREZI: W3LL YOUV3 S33N 1T 4LL 4NYW4Y H4V3NT YOU??  
>  TEREZI: *S1P*  
>  TEREZI: YOU 4R3 R1GHT TH3R3 1N TH3 CORN3R LOOK1NG 4T US YOU KNOW  
>  DAVE: i guess  
>  DAVE: its been pretty boring though  
>  DAVE: sitting here nothing to do  
>  DAVE: like i dont even know how long im going to be here  
>  DAVE: will the mayor even give me anything to eat?  
>  DAVE: something to drink somewhere to piss  
>  DAVE: these are all pretty important factors you know  
>  TEREZI: Y34H...  
>  TEREZI: 4CTU4LLY, 1TS B33N K1ND OF BOR1NG FOR M3 TOO >:[  
>  TEREZI: 1 M1SS WH3N W3 DR3W SH1TTY CLOUDS UP 1N TH3 SKY  
>  DAVE: huh  
>  DAVE: yeah i kind of miss it too  
>  DAVE: but what can we do  
>  DAVE: ill probably be stuck here till the end of time  
>  DAVE: *SLURP*  
>  TEREZI: D4V3 YOUR SLURP1NG 1S K1ND4 LOUD  
>  DAVE: i know  
>  DAVE: im a hardened, hairy criminal doing ten years' time in the clink  
>  DAVE: were so fucking hopeless we dont give no shit about manners  
>  DAVE: what does it matter to us bad men if outsiders dont like us its not like were going to be mingling with them anytime soon  
>  DAVE: or anytime at all really in my case  
>  TEREZI: *S1P*  
>  DAVE: you dont know how it feels terezi  
>  DAVE: you just dont  
>  TEREZI: D4V3  
>  TEREZI: YOUR3 JUST DO1NG TH1S TO G3T M3 TO L3T YOU OUT  
>  TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU  
>  DAVE: …  
>  DAVE: yeah pretty much 

To Dave's surprise, Terezi turns towards him and _welp_ , there goes her trademark shit-eating grin, slowly spreading out across her face. Something is afoot.

> TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T  
>  TEREZI: L3TS DO 1T  
>  TEREZI: R1GHT H3R3 R1GHT NOW  
>  DAVE: what the fuck  
>  TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N 'WH4T'  
>  TEREZI: 1 M34NT 1LL G3T YOU OUT OF J41L  
>  DAVE: oh okay  
>  DAVE: (phew)  
>  DAVE: wait _what_  
>  DAVE: no thats a terrible idea  
>  DAVE: you releasing a feral animal like me out into the public  
>  DAVE: thats insane  
>  DAVE: and believe me i know what insane is  
>  DAVE: i got a life sentence for being insane  
>  DAVE: they give out life sentences for a reason terezi  
>  DAVE: dont mess with the law or the law messes with you  
>  DAVE: that must be like rule number one of troll law terezi i thought you were a good citizen  
>  TEREZI: D4V3 NORM4LLY 1 DONT M1ND WH3N YOU PL4Y 4ROUND L1K3 TH4T  
>  TEREZI: BUT TH1S 1S S3R1OUS!  
>  DAVE: you mean  
>  DAVE: youre actually going to do it  
>  TEREZI: W3LL OBV1OUSLY  
>  TEREZI: YOUR3 ON3 OF MY B3ST FR13NDS 4FT3R 4LL >:]  
>  DAVE: well then  
>  DAVE: in that case get going  
>  DAVE: _ponerse en marcha_  
>  TEREZI: ST1LL C4NT SP34K TROLL SP4N1SH  
>  TEREZI: BUT 4LR1GHT  
>  TEREZI: L3T US B3GIN "OP3R4T1ON 3SC4P3 FROM PR1SONBLOCK"  
>  TEREZI: "P4RTYTOWN"  
>  TEREZI: OR SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T  
>  DAVE: well let me know if it works  
>  TEREZI: OH B3L13V3 M3  
>  TEREZI: YOULL KNOW >;]

Terezi skips away, coffee sloshing in her hand but still managing to stay put in her mug. Dave sits back in his prison cell, sipping at his coffee silently.


	4. Terezi's Plan, Pt. 2

Three hours later (making this five hours after imprisonment), Operation ‘Escape from Prisonblock Partytown’ officially begins.

Terezi had said to Dave two hours before that all he needs to do is sit back and "3NJOY TH3 SHOW". She'll do all of the important work, first trying to convince the Mayor nicely to let him out, then finally using force. On the prison cell, obviously, not the Mayor. Dave had told her not to hurt the Mayor in any way. He may be Dave's archenemy now, but he is still adorable as gosh-darn heck, and must be treated as such.

Dave still requested a spoon or something that he could use to dig himself out of his prison if necessary. Terezi scoffed loudly at his request.

> TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3  
>  TEREZI: YOU R34LLY TH1NK YOUR3 GO1NG TO BUST OUT OF J41L W1TH 4 SPOON??  
>  TEREZI: TH4T ONLY H4PP3NS 1N SH1TTY 4CT1ON MOV13S  
>  DAVE: i know  
>  DAVE: believe me ive seen my ironic share of shitty action movies  
>  DAVE: but i just feel like doing something to pass the time  
>  TEREZI: GO ON YOUR PHON3 OR WH4T3V3R  
>  TEREZI: 1F YOUV3 GOTT3N BOR3D OF LOOK1NG 4T M3  
>  TEREZI: >;]  
>  DAVE: alright sure  
>  DAVE: why not  
>  DAVE: phone it is  
>  TEREZI: ...  
>  TEREZI: >:[

So Dave messed around on his phone for two hours. In the meantime, Terezi either walked around Can Town writing down ideas on a tiny notepad, built some more floors of the new City Center Grand Tower with the Mayor, who seemed to suspect nothing (kind of weird, but whatever, Dave'll happily roll with it), or just sat down on one of the chairs near the door, reviewing her plans and sometimes giggling to herself.

Finally, in the present, she rises from her seat, causing Dave to turn towards her from his tiny corner of the room. She gives a thumbs up in his general direction - a signal that her plans shall now commence. She walks back to the Mayor, and resumes her work, but now with a cunning smile on her face.

Dave sits back and leans on the wall, putting his arms behind his head. A faint pixel of a smile reveals itself on his mouth. Whether Terezi's plans work or not, it's going to be one hell of a show anyway.

  


* * *

ATTEMPT ONE:  
TIME: +5 hours after imprisonment  
DETAILS: Terezi secretly passes Mayor a note during construction of an office block on the outskirts of Can Town. The note reads "YOU SHOULD L3T D4V3 OUT OF J41L".  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor did not notice or read note.  


ATTEMPT TWO:  
TIME: +5 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi draws an extension to Can Town, which she names "R3L34S3 D4V3 FROM PR1SON BLVD."  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor looked at street and nodded to himself, but did not let Dave out of jail.

ATTEMPT THREE:  
TIME: +6 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi draws a comic in the clouds above Can Town that depicts a poorly-drawn Mayor releasing a poorly-drawn Dave out of a poorly-drawn can prison.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor saw comic but did not understand it. It was probably a bit _too_ poorly-drawn.

ATTEMPT FOUR:  
TIME: +6 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi writes the following addition to Can Town's changelog:

> " _V3RS1ON 3.14.3A: M4YOR LOCKS D4V3 UP 1N J41L 4ND WONT L3T H1M OUT. WH4T 4 M34N13 >:[_"

OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor later adds to the changelog but does not appear to acknowledge Terezi's addition.

ATTEMPT FIVE:  
TIME: +7 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi says to the Mayor, "M4N, D4V3 SUR3 MUST B3 G3TT1NG LON3LY 1N TH4T PR1SONBLOCK. P3RH4PS W3 SHOULD DO SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT TH4T?"  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Instead of letting Dave out of jail, Mayor just gives him a can of beans to keep him company.

ATTEMPT SIX:  
TIME: +7 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi adds a makeshift billboard near the Lin-can Memorial, which displays a message reading: "R3L34S3 D4V3 FROM PR1SON TOD4Y!".  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor noted that nobody actually paid for the billboard, and then proceeded to take it down.  


ATTEMPT SEVEN:  
TIME: +8 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi asks the Mayor to double-check the Can Town Constitution. She tells him that she remembers a certain clause in the Crime and Punishment section that was added in the latest Amendment, which states that the Mayor is prohibited from sending people to jail.  
OUTCOME: **Mostly unsuccessful.** Mayor looked at the Constitution and noticed that the nonexistant clause did, in fact, not exist. He did, however (through a series of gestures and scribbles on paper) promise to correct this in the coming year, making it so that the people of Can Town shall decide who is sent to jail through public trial. Terezi later said to Dave " W3LL 4T L34ST TH3 M4YOR WONT B3 S3ND1NG YOU TO J41L 1N FUTUR3" to which Dave responded with a pair of middle fingers.  


ATTEMPT EIGHT:  
TIME: +9 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi tries to start a raffle for all non-can citizens of Can Town, and the person with the winning ticket has to let Dave out of jail. She gives a ticket to both herself and the Mayor, as well as Dave.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Terezi made the mistake of not actually deciding what the winning ticket was. Nobody won.  


ATTEMPT NINE:  
TIME: +9 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi informs the Mayor that cans are protesting in the streets, calling on the Mayor to let Dave out of jail. She advises him to let Dave out of jail, which, she adds, is something a good Mayor would do.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Terezi unknowingly pointed to a group of mustard cans (banned from Can Town) and called them the protesters. They were all stomped on and kicked out of town by the Mayor.  


ATTEMPT TEN:  
TIME: +10 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi puts on a fake moustache, officers' uniform, and shitty German accent, pretending to be the 'Senior Prison Guard Inspector Dude Guy'. She converses with the Mayor while under her disguise, telling him that it is Free Prison Release Day, and that on this day, "Z3 M4YOR MUST L3T 4 PR1ZON3R OUT OF Z31R PR1SONBLOCK. 4LSO YOU H3V3 TO DO 33T NOW."  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor released can of beans from prison instead of Dave.  


ATTEMPT ELEVEN:  
TIME: +10 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi builds herself a prison cell out of cans and locks herself in it, stating that she will not get out until the Mayor releases Dave from jail.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Terezi quickly got bored and released herself after an hour and a half.  


ATTEMPT TWELVE:  
TIME: +12 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi walks up to the Mayor, saying "1 4M NOW GO1NG TO 4SS4ULT YOUR M1ND W1TH SUBL1M1N4L M3SS4G3S" while waving her hands around in a wizardy manner.  
OUTCOME: **Unknown.** Nobody has any memory of what happened for the next ten minutes after this. Terezi later passed by Dave's cell and said that meteor-wide memory loss was due to an accident on her part. According to her, she's still working on her powers of reality manipulation. Terezi sure is weird sometimes.  


ATTEMPT THIRTEEN:  
TIME: +13 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi finally asks the Mayor, politely, to let Dave out of jail.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor shook his head.  


ATTEMPT FOURTEEN:  
TIME: +13 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi asks the Mayor the exact same question as was asked in Attempt Thirteen, but with "PR3TTY PL34S3?" added to the end.  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor shook his head more forcefully.  


ATTEMPT FIFTEEN:  
TIME: +13 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi asks the Mayor, "PL33333334S3?"  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor ignored her.  


ATTEMPT SIXTEEN:  
TIME: +13 hours  
DETAILS: Terezi throws her arms up and walks, shoulders slouched, back to the bench. She says, "YOU KNOW WH4T? SCR3W TH1S, 1 G1V3 UP."  
OUTCOME: **Unsuccessful.** Mayor did not respond.  


* * *

Terezi walks, defeated, back to Dave's Little Corner. She sighs - a dragged out, rough sigh of failure - and slides down against the wall near Dave's cell, eventually collapsing into a ball.

> TEREZI: W3LL TH4T D1DNT WORK  
>  DAVE: yeah no shit  
> 

Terezi turns to Dave, a determined expression on her face.

> TEREZI: HOW3V3R...  
>  TEREZI: 1 ST1LL M4D3 A B4CKUP PL4N  
>  TEREZI: 1N TH3 3V3NT TH4T TH3 WHOL3 R34L1TY M4N1PUL4T1ON TH1NG D1DNT WORK  
>  DAVE: man i still cant remember what happened then  
>  DAVE: im like one of those sad sacks of shit that get amnesia for some reason at the start of the film  
>  DAVE: now i have to go on a long cathartic journey to find myself again  
>  DAVE: where did you even get reality manipulation powers anyway  
>  TEREZI: LONG STORY  
>  TEREZI: 4NYW4Y YOU W4NN4 H34R MY B4CKUP PL4N?  
>  DAVE: the sooner i can rediscover my place in this cruel forgotten world of mine the better  
>  TEREZI: 1LL T4K3 TH4T 4S 4 Y3S  
> 

Terezi leans in closer to Dave.

> DAVE: what are you doing  
>  TEREZI: (ssh!)  
>  TEREZI: (1 dont w4nt th3 m4yor to h34r)  
>  DAVE: (oh okay)  
>  DAVE: (thought you were going to)  
>  DAVE: (...never mind)  
>  TEREZI: (my pl4n 1s 4s follows:)  
>  TEREZI: (1 set up a d1str4ct1on for th3 m4yor)  
>  TEREZI: (4nd you 4nd 1 g3t th3 fuck out of h3r3!)  
>  DAVE: (thats a shitty plan)  
>  DAVE: (id have to break myself out of this prison cell and the mayors gonna hear)  
>  DAVE: (son of a bitch doesnt even have ears and yet hes got hella hearing powers)  
>  TEREZI: (1m go1ng to m4k3 sur3 h3s so f4r 4w4y th4t h3 do3snt h34r you)  
>  TEREZI: (4nd 1f h3 do3s h34r you youll b3 so f4r 4w4y from h1m th4t h3 wont b3 4bl3 to c4tch up!)  
>  DAVE: (...)  
>  DAVE: (i still dont know)  
>  DAVE: (im already in trouble with the mayor i dont want to soil our relationship even more)  
>  DAVE: (the heretofore clean cotton pants of our broship has been starting to sag a bit as of late)  
>  TEREZI: (3ww d4v3 >:/)  
>  TEREZI: (but s3r1ously, 1m sur3 th4t th3 m4yor do3snt r34lly f33l th4t 4ngry 4t you!)  
>  TEREZI: (m4yb3 h3s just pr3t3nd1ng! h3 do3s l1k3 to pr3t3nd 4 lot)  
>  DAVE: (...)  
>  DAVE: (fuck it)  
>  DAVE: (alright then yes ill do it _fine_ )  
>  DAVE: (dammit woman youre gonna be the end of me some day)  
>  TEREZI: (th4ts th3 sp1r1t! >:])  
>  TEREZI: (hold on 4 s3cond th3r3, wh1l3 1 try to pl4n th1s through 4 l1ttl3 mor3)  
>  TEREZI: _H3Y M4YOR! 1'M GO1NG B4CK TO WORK NOW!_  
>  DAVE: ok sure  
>  DAVE: (what the fuck am i doing)  
> 

Dave's last remark reaches only empty space. Terezi is already back with the Mayor, discussing something about building plans or some shit, Dave isn't really listening anymore.


End file.
